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Thursday, November 18, 2010

Cosplayers Suck Worse Than Politicians: On Alodia Cayetano

I don't know how stupid a person should be to think a critic of cosplay should also diss politicians (as if movie reviewers rip fairy tales apart in their free time), but I must agree that cosplayers and government scumbags have several despicable traits in common. However, the former is much more appalling than the latter. Here's a few reasons why:
Politicians have power, cosplayers wish they matter
Politicians have authority encompassing the scope of their given position. Cosplayers are sad fucks who are so socially insignificant, they violate universal dress codes to stand out and hoard attention in conventions. No mincing of words here, just pure unadulterated truth that only the heaviest dose of insecurity can overlook.

Politicians are better public servants
From the lowly kagawad to the mighty president, whether or not they utilize their positions more fruitfully than the next guy, all politicians do good to the public to some extent. They display actions worth the people's votes, and they ensure there are good deeds in their resume. On the other hand, while cosplayers have a noble intention to please bypassers, they still don't credit for anything substantial to the public. In fact, except for a few laughs due to how ridiculous their costumes are, cosplayers are worth nothing. When I joined the PCC '09 event in Robinson's Manila, I had more fun listening to a blind musician outside the mall than hearing the "omg omg kawaii!" chants at the cosplay convention.

Politicians put money to better use
Corruption aside, politicians do find a way to give hard-earned taxes back to the hard-working citizens. Be it through questionable bingo sessions or respectable city improvement projects, money enjoys a healthy cycle in the hands of a government official. Cosplayers shamefully waste their parents money or lower the value of their paychecks by purchasing outrageous clothes that will never serve a practical purpose. The coin lost turns into a childish costume that finds its way to the inner depths of the wardrobe after a few uses.

Politicians use wit to woo the crowd, cosplayers use stupidity
Rarely do cosplay catwalks require participants to show their wits in Q&A, and for a good reason. On the stage where politicians shine as they showcase their lifetime achievements and demonstrate their communication skills, cosplayers partake in nonsensical skits. Dressed up as their favored characters, you'd think cosplayers have an idea what to do in the spotlight - which is to act out the fictional personalities they portray. But no, the brainless creatures come up with what we can only consider as a great insult to the performing arts. Why in the name of all that is holy should hulking pieces of cardboard slopily slapping each other be considered entertainment? Protip: It's an on-stage display of stupidity, that's what it is.

Politicians fool people, cosplayers are fools
Genuine leaders are hard to come by. Most politicians are half promises, half corruption. However, the ability of these rotting government vermin to gain the favor of the people and hide in sheep's clothing is commendable. Their levelheadedness stand in stark contrast to the dimwitted, gullible cosplayers. The idiots in question take everything at face value, never see criticism beyond insults, and unlike politicians who are careful and wise in responding to anything against them, cosplayers heavily contribute to the misconception of the Internet being a den of easily offended 13-year-olds.

Ren Cayetano is a winner, Alodia is a loser:
Word has it that the cosplay goddess Alodia will soon be married to Ren Cayetano, senator Pia Cayetano's brother. The legitimacy of this rumor is up for debate, but if it's true, then Cayetano has struck gold and Alodia's a loser of epic proportions. If the idea of a hot 20-something hooking up with an aging owner of a toy retail company (nerd!) doesn't stink cow shit to you, picture this: the country's only iconic cosplayer will soon be employing her wholesome cosplay charms in bed for a rich guy who probably already had his own share of dress-up whores. Yeah, this sounds as bad to the image of Pinoy cosplay as Manny Pacquiao winning a political seat to the Philippines.

(I spared a picture of Airi Suzuki to show you guys Alodia with Cayetano. You owe me one, ungrateful bastards.)