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Wednesday, September 15, 2010

The Top 5 Worst Kinds of Cosplayers

1. The boobies. As far as cosplay is concerned, even the most unremarkable, boring, and socially inept can become a superstar as long as that person has a pair of boobies and a pussy.

Cosplay is known to harbor the most overcompensating females. It is ridden with talentless, remotely attractive women who pimp themselves up with heavy doses of make-up and costumes that will highlight their puppies. Of course, if porn has taught us anything, it's that such formula works.

2. The bitches. Bitches bitch when they don't win a competition they believe they deserve to win. They consider themselves above the fray and would not interact with lesser beings. They go to high profile conventions and complain when there's too many people. They will willingly suck Mike Abundick's cock because he's a guy with a lot of connections. In short, cosplay bitches are what you'd expect them to be.

3. The hordes. Composed mostly of filthy squatters albeit joined by a minority of inbred rich kids, the cosplaying hordes are the same kind of brainless fucks who embraced tight pants and one-sided emo hair at the turn of the century.

Since outgrowing its status from notoriously geeky to a hip subculture, cosplay has attracted legions of wannabes. What we have now are droves of pricks who are cosplaying because it's the "in" thing (and they want the Cosplay Goddess to somehow fall hopelessly in love with them). The bigger the groups they are in, the lower the social class they come from.

4. The predators. Guys with half a brain know that there's plenty of dumb chicks in cosplay whose right buttons aren't difficult to find. Predator cosplayers pick the easiest or "hottest" costume they can come up with and go on a hunting spree for possible fuck buddies, moving under the pretense of "all cosplayers are friends of each other" to approach any cosplaying chick that they want their dicks in. Naive underage girls are hot items for these alpha male pretenders.

5. The misfits. Good cosplayers are only barely socially acceptable. Bad cosplayers are so despicable that even their socially retarded brethren hate them for ruining characters they choose to portray.

For misfits, it's not a matter of not having enough money or skill to construct a decent costume. They fail their chosen characters so bad that we'd sooner find a cure for every type of cancer than think of a remedy to make them bearable - at the very least.