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Monday, May 31, 2010

GamerTotoy Soapbox: When enough is enough

Ok, this is the truest, honest-to-goodness post I will ever conjure on this satire-driven, make-believe blog. I do not care if you fuckers don't buy a single word of it. This is for the benefit of a certain lady who I was in a "friends with benefits" relationship with for 6 months who says things that happened between us mean nothing to her, she was just bored at the time, and she's planning to tell her current boyfriend and bestfriend/ex-boyfriend about our story which she will surely tone down to "we went out, he was a jerk so I left him, he's stalking me now and wants me back".

This story may be so ridiculous that you will find it material stolen from an erotica website. I dared her to tell people our story if it was just a meaningless affair, she said she would but I'm sure it'll be a watered-down PG13 version and she thinks no one will believe the real deal. Here I am testing her theory.

It all started as just another of my "chane" endeavors. She was this random girl online who expressed interest in GT, I started hitting on her, and soon enough she was showing herself on webcam in just her undies. She did this once after my expert convincing. She said it was a pay-per-view thing and I was indebted to her with lunch. Our first chance of meeting didn't push through because I wasn't too interested at the time. Even in her undies, she wasn't hot or anything. The kind of girl who looks plain and attractive only with good make up on.

However, she insisted that I owe her. So this one time when I was on my way to somewhere, she was near the area so I thought I'd drop by and give her that stupid lunch (even if it was afternoon already).

For some odd reason (or maybe I knew I could get an easy lay out of her), the meeting didn't stop at lunch. We found ourselves in Mall of Asia, watched a movie (it was a shitty one about guinea pigs in 3D), and had dinner. Before we realized it was already late, and she said she had no means of going home. It was pretty obvious then that she just wanted me to invite her over to my place, which would be troublesome at the time. I know this because prior to our engagement we talked about drinking at my place (of course I offered sex first, but they always go this route).

She seemed serious about not being able to go home. I stalled her for a bit trying to figure out if she's actually able to go home, and the chances of that seemed slim. So I thought, the hell with it, I'll just spend the rest of the night with her. I really wanted to have sex in that torn down mosque near MOA so I kept on asking her to go there, but we couldn't find it and ended up walking all the way to CCP where I figured I could bone her on a bench somewhere.

The trip turned out to be more fun than I thought. She was a weird, self-proclaimed "fugly nerd" with "sex demon" written all over her face (we chat about sex all the time) but there were no signs of that through the night (except when she talked about the blunder of her single dad of a crush). We dropped by Star City, had lots of fun, then sat on some flight of stairs until sunrise.

I think I signed the deal with the devil that night when, after she kept on checking her phone and saying nobody loves her, I texted her "wer n u" even when she was right in front of me. I didn't think much of it then, but apparently she kept it in her phone for quite some time.

Anyway, when morning came I took her back to her place. It was just the two of us there, and to no one's surprise, we were on top of each other faster than you can say one-night stand. Who would've thought the price to pay for a simple lay was 8 months of unbearable drama and agony?

Since then we met up more frequently, in our newly found love temple of course. We had so much sex that it came to a point that I would get a boner just by knocking at her door. She said she had sex with her ex five times a week, one to three times a day and is a fan of Cosmopolitan magazine. True enough, she was more sexually profound than the kama sutra. Tip to you, mister boyfriend: she gets wet really fast when you caress her spine or tickle her feet.

Don't get me wrong, though. It wasn't all about the sex. Naturally both of us got involved in each other's life. Practically in a relationship, but not quite. She had this 10-tier relationship list. In fact, I still have it on my phone. Let me quote it for you.

1. Friend-boy (just friends)
2. Friend-boy + unwanted crush (just friends but boy likes you. It's highly annoying)
3. Friend-boy plus crush (you have crush on boy. You're prolly being annoying)
4. Hopeless crush (he doesn't know you exist)
5. Friend-boy plus mutual attraction
6. Flirtation (but you are not friends)
7. Scamming mate (you fool around, you don't hang out or go out. Ever. Usually a one time thing.)
8. Friends with benefits (you fool around, you hang out but don't go out)
9. Boyfriend (you are going out!)
10. Serious boyfriend (you can see a future. You get horizontal on a regular basis)

As far as I can tell we were stuck in number 8 because whenever the "relationship" thing turned up, it's either she wants it but I don't or I want it but she doesn't (usually because I just did something bad before asking). However, she did say we were "going out" and we did get horizontal on a regular basis so I don't know what to believe in this list anymore.

Let's just look at item number 7. When we began learning about each other, she told me about her very dark past. Well it's no biggie these days when 15-year-old virgins are increasingly uncommon, but when she revealed her history at the time I wasn't quite sure how to take it. It turns out that back in her teens, starting when she was 15 until late 18, she was very sexually active.

She may look nerdy at first, but that's what makes her an easy target. And as prey, she knows how to oblige. She admitted she had her "scamming adventures", where in she would make out or have sex with random guys she barely knows and ditch them right after. Heck, she showed me this huge pack of birth control pills that was half-full (half-empty?). I feared for my Johnny who until now is STD-free.

You know how she lost her virginity? She slept over at a friend's house, and out of curiosity, had sex with her friend's older brother. She also had episodes of meeting online buddies from online games so she could let them finger her in the movies and occasionally satisfy their cocks. For me this marked a long-time dilemma, because one thing I am not comfortable with is finger-fucking girls in the movies. Making out is great, but fingering in a public place is too much of an exhibitionist maneuver for me. There is also the off-chance that I didn't want her to relive that kind of memories with me, but let's not talk about that.

Another interesting story is how she got together with her most recent boyfriend at the time. Turns out he was a friend of her ex who she also met online. One time he took her home, she led him to a place where they could make out, the next morning the guy asks if they're officially going out after making out and all and she reluctantly said yes. That product of scamming netted her with a long-time companion of an incompetent pussy fuck who could never show his face to me whenever the tough gets going.

They were in the middle of their on-off affair when I met her, and thus I was on the receiving end whenever she needs someone to listen to her whining. Back then she cried a hell lot, all because of that guy who wants them to get together again by stalking her everywhere and acting like he's her dad.

Whenever she cried, I was there. Granted that I probably made her cry more often than helped her out of it, I was still always there. Whenever her ex threatened her, I was there. When she cried in class just because her professor asked her about her life and didn't know how to respond, I was there. Once I even hurried over 1am because she was troubled by the overwhelming tasks she had to finish.

Guess what? Now she's all buddy-buddy with that hated ex again and I'm enemy number one.

Let's go back to the crybaby part. You see, nympho girl's only defect isn't just her loose mound. She also has a loose screw, a.k.a. neurotic with occasional episodes of depression. She has attempted suicide before and once threatened me that she'll cut herself.

Such condition bugged the hell out of me during our 6-month stint together. Not only does she have a crazy past, but she's also nearly literally crazy. Apparently the reason why she cried so much, sometimes even when there's nothing to cry about (she says a sad memory suddenly comes into her head, causing her to cry) is because she's a neurotic.

What is a neurotic, you ask? To quote Wikipedia:

"Neurosis is a class of functional mental disorders involving distress but neither delusions nor hallucinations, whereby behavior is not outside socially acceptable norms. It is also known as psychoneurosis or neurotic disorder, and thus those suffering from it are said to be neurotic. Once a common psychiatric diagnosis, the term is no longer part of mainstream psychiatric terminology in the United States, though it continues to be employed in psychoanalytic theory and practice, and in various other theoretical disciplines.

There are many different specific forms of neurosis: pyromania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, anxiety neurosis, hysteria (in which anxiety may be discharged through a physical symptom), and a nearly endless variety of phobias."

For me who's had firsthand experience with an alleged neurotic, I can define it in two words: psycho bitch.

She was diagnosed this by a guidance councilor or something but her parents didn't believe it, because outside her fucked up system is a normally cheerful, happy girl. Not very friendly or sociable, but with friends she likes to laugh a lot. This is also the main reason why she thinks no one will believe our story.

Aside from her disturbing past, what really gave me hell while with her was this neurosis. Her behavior is simply painfully unpredictable most of the time. She calls herself an unpredictable storm, I call her fucked up. However, I put up with all of it. With all her mental quirks that took a toll on my health at some point.

It was tough. I came close to giving up on her so many times. Whenever it felt like I hit a brick wall, I asked good 'ol Squatting Dog for advice. Thankfully, his brilliance always had something for my sticky situations. His words made so much sense that it saved my ass plenty of times.

Only later on did I stop talking to SD about this, when shit was really going down the drain and it seemed I was struggling towards a helpless cause. I knew all he would tell me was that, "Dude, ditch that psycho bitch." I wasn't yet ready to give up.

I must admit, though, that many problems between me and psycho nymph were of my own fault. We always argued about her ex because I was getting tired of being her sink when they fight yet she still won't leave him alone and even asks him to drive her around, bring her lunch, etc. Her defense - he's not going away soon so might as well make the most out of him. True enough, they're bestest buddies again. I don't know if they still fight but I don't give a damn anymore.

Another thing that left a really huge fracture on our relationship was this one time when I asked her to come with me to a place where I may potentially "cheat" on her so she could keep an eye on me. Since learning she was a nymph, I made her promise not to sleep with any other man (or woman) while we're still at it. Of course I knew that exclusivity deal was mutual. That's why I was feeling guilty about my own side quests, and sorta wanted her to know about it without telling her outright.

Apparently she got the message instantly, and despite her stance that men are naturally polygamous and it would be weird if they didn't sleep with multiple women, she was angered without me knowing. The day we last talked she seemed fine and I was the one upset she wouldn't come with me, but little did I know she was already filled with rage inside.

To take revenge on me, she asked this guy out for lunch to "confess" to him who would end up being her current boyfriend. At the time it was a well-known fact that she had a crush on him because she kinda told someone about it two years prior, but she told me she wasn't really interested anymore and just hooked up to get back at me.

It was a week long (or two) of fighting that could be likened to what could possibly be the same intensity as World War 3. In the end, she admitted what she's done and apologized. Unfortunately, it didn't mean the end of her deals with him.

Come Valentine's Day, we were already out when I learned she met up with the guy that morning, allegedly just to "hang out" but she had a rose with her and everyone who knew about it considered it a date. I was understandably pissed, but of course I was discrete about it. By discrete I mean I teased her all night and even brought up her pornographic past.

I can't deny that I totally ruined the fancy dinner and the night we spent in the hotel. Sure we still had sex, but it wasn't as good as it should've been and she cried before the action. Can you blame me? While I was setting the entire thing up, she was out with this guy who she supposedly just wanted to use as revenge against me but once that's done still went out with anyway.

There were lots of good and memorable moments. I spent a few nights in their dorm that she shared with her younger sister and those were the days!

I loved it when we fooled around while her sister was in the same room, blocked from our view only by a few clothes hanging on the bed. They had this bunk bed, and the best part was whenever we had sex on the bottom bunk while her sister was sleeping on top. There's something about the risk of spoiling someone's innocence by letting her find out that her sister is riding some guy literally beneath her as she sleeps.

Of course, the nights she spent at my place were also gold. This one time, I had other friends around and we got drunk. Because other guys slept with us in my room, we couldn't do anything. The morning after, however, she blew me right under the sheets while a friend of mine was still sleeping on the floor. Funny thing is he started groaning in his sleep while we were trying to be as quiet as could be with our business. Epic! I thought.

Sadly, all good things must come to an end. The suckiest part is that I know I'm the one who messed up, and somehow you cannot forgive me and then suddenly tell me two months later that everything was nothing to you and that you regret it.

The final episode began when, due to certain circumstances, I decided to move out. This meant moving far away from her. However, I didn't think of it that way. I thought that no matter what, she would come with me. She hated her family, pretty much every aspect of her life, and her future was dim. I was offering her a fresh start. I knew it sounded crazy, but after all we've been through, I figured nothing was too crazy for her. Whenever I suggested something, she would do it with me. That's where my fatal mistakes come in.

I took her for granted. There was no way she would choose her shitty life over me. But I was wrong. And ultimately disappointed. Frustrated. Everything seemed to fall apart. The situation was becoming grave. Soon I would no longer be able to see her. I don't think she was worried about this, because she was still sweet and all. Yet I turned into the biggest jerk.

Given that I'm already a jerk, I guess my jerk level multiplied to at least 20. One wrong move from her (got in touch with her first boyfriend who she supposedly hates to the bone and has caused at least 50 liters of tears to drop out of her, deliberately made me jealous with some other guy) and I retaliated with a force that can wipe Russia off the map overnight.

For a neurotic like her, very harsh words from me were catalysts enough of unbearable pain. I didn't realize that at the time, I thought I was just getting back at her for what she did.

Since then we grew apart. I tried apologizing to her for two months but she never answered my calls nor returned my texts after giving me all the demeaning remarks she could pull out of her vocabulary. She kept her address strictly hidden away from me, perhaps so I can't knock at their doorstep in situations like this.

She left her old dorm so I had absolutely no means of seeing her in person. It doesn't help that I was also tied up with other problems, and during the first month I wasn't taking her too seriously because I thought we'd eventually make up. We fought a lot but made up soon after. This time, however, I couldn't catch her.

When I finally got a chance to see her, she went out with this guy. The same guy who she said meant nothing to her, the guy she merely used as a tool for revenge against me. Also, I found out that she was best friends with her ex again, and she's been rolling with the crowd that she used to resent for being Wapanese asshats.

At first I was fine when she told me she wants me out of her life. I've been gone for too long, I did so many bad things that at some point she thought I was deliberately hurting her, but I swear I was just trying to help. Usually these fights are about her past, her ex, and that guy she cheated on me with. But telling her off for not joining me in my unreasonable venture was unfounded, that I'm guilty of.

I didn't treat her like I would cosplayers, no. The things I say to cosplayers are just the tip of the iceberg. I told her (well, insinuated) stuff like she might get AIDS in her new environment (she decided to work in a call center for the summer), that going out with other girls is much more fun than going with her, that sort of thing that would crush a woman's ego to smithereens. Hey, I admit I was being a total insensitive asshole. But do realize that I wasn't in the right mind at the time. I was severely disappointed and gravely frustrated. To hell with her, I thought

It took some time before it sinked in that I was really, really bad to her. And when I heard what she's been up to, I felt horrible. My two months of absence has brought her so low as to suck up to people that used to make her life miserable, in efforts of abating her loneliness. Her bf? They weren't even talking anymore last time I checked. Her ex? A total spoiled brat douchebag who physically abuses women and literally cries in front of his mom and her friends at 21. A pussy who says he wants to hurt me, but when we meet face to face, rushes over to security guards. To think he's over twice my size.

After pulling out all the tricks in the bag, I won a 5-minute conversation with her. That was the purest display of a "plastic" personality I have ever seen. This all smiles girl, finally more friendly and sociable since she has to be like that in the call center industry, reared her ugly head in front of me.

To other people she's this nice girl-next-door who's secretly a whore, to me she was the grumpy Mama-san. We couldn't talk about anything of substance because she was like "I don't care" all the time so I just gave her a birthday gift and the toothbrush she left at my place which was my most prized possession for the longest time. Right after our heated conversation (me being all nice and apologetic with a couple of jerk remarks here and there because I couldn't help it, her acting like there were a dozen dildos in her pussy), she put back up this nice girl smile in front of her boyfriend.

The finale was today. After doing all I can just to get to talk to her, she demanded that I shell out around 15,000 pesos worth of goods before she'll talk to me for an hour, wherein she would "not accept" anything I say and just talk. Desperate that I am, I was ready to give her what she wanted. I was certain that the things we went through were for real, and that once we sit down and talk properly I can settle things and get them back on track.

A good friend of mine tipped though that she's not gonna take the peace offerings after all and just wanted to piss me off enough to leave her alone. I told her that, tried talking to her to no avail. She called her (once most hated person) ex to save her after a minute or two of walking around with me chasing her asking her why she can't talk about it like a civilized person and her slapping me in the face (total of three times, one missed and another she pulled back).

If everything between us meant nothing, I said to her, why not tell her boys about us? She said she would, I said she'd probably lie about it so she should let me do it, she said her boyfriend wouldn't believe me, here I am. No one really knows about our story. Not until now.

Now I still don't know if she has feelings for me and that's why she's deeply hurt about what I did and wouldn't even talk about it to settle things, or she's just being her usual psycho bitch neurotic self. One thing's for sure - I have taken enough humiliation. I don't take shit from anyone. I gave you the privilege to treat me like shit because I'm guilty of my sins and I felt bad for abandoning you, but even that has its threshold.

When I said it was the most enjoyable 6 months of my life, I meant it. Not just when we did the nookie, but also the simple things like making out in the bus. Or just strolling around the streets all night, you asking if you could hold my hand, hanging out at the convenience store where the workers were having a gang-bang session, watching crappy movies, everything! That's why I call foul after you tell me that whatever we did was just out of your boredom.

I wasn't lying when I said I loved you. That I wanted to make you happy. But when I go to great lengths of lowering my steep pride to near zilch and apologizing for everything wrong I've done as if you were flawless yourself, you don't slap me in the face three times and talk on the phone while I'm trying to reason with you, as if I don't exist. I know you hate your parents for not giving you enough credit but you should've listened when they taught you about manners. Or maybe they never did.

You say everything that happened between us was meaningless because you were merely bored at the time? Well then, I guess you wouldn't mind me telling everyone these "meaningless" tales. Half of them are probably lies, right? You think you can deny everything here as absurd tall tale, right? You, who says you hate liars and once burst into tears just because I lied about taking a bite of your blueberry cheesecake (yes, this did happen), wants to lie herself out of everything and pretend you're living a nice, happy life. You even want to lie to yourself. I should be thankful I'm out of that messy business.

(If you want proof, you can ask her sister for witness accounts or her girl friends who she may have told about me. Otherwise, go fuck yourselves. Also, the stories about her ex and scamming adventures are from her. If she denies them, she'll probably deny everything.)

P.S. I know this is probably the worst thing I can do, but I think it is necessary for me to get over the entire hoopla and just let go of everything ravaging my head right now.