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Thursday, October 14, 2010

PinoyCosplay Presents: Erskine

Erskine was just another victim. A victim of capitalistic greed, a victim of corruption, a victim of prostitution when his whore of a mother left him an orphan. As a child, he roamed the wet markets to steal and feed himself.

Growing up was a huge undertaking - everyday was a battle for survival. He didn't have friends because he always looked 20 years older than he really is, making it difficult to mingle with kids his age.

He had to eat alone.

Learn how to drive alone.

Play in a band... alone.

At some point, he was so desperate for company that he befriended a hand grenade.

Loneliness defined him. And in time, it consumed him. One day while playing with a camera (alone), he realized how horrible his life was and just snapped.

He was so frustrated that he decided to use Facebook as his outlet. There, he plagued female cosplayers because they seemed too retarded to defend themselves.


He did this for quite some time; until he became a shut-in who did nothing but talk to female cosplayers online.

However, his exploits did not go unnoticed. While girls put up with him on Facebook because they did not want to look snobbish or mean through their wall posts, they hated the stalker and called him names.

This was not enough for Erskine to change his ways, so the poor girls kept pestering the legendary hero GamerTotoy to put Erskine in his place. "But Erskine is small time," said GT who only knew Erskine as some insignificant social leper.

But Erskine caught word of his victims communicating with GamerTotoy and he wasn't thrilled. He became paranoid. He began thinking everyone was GT, going as far as suspecting the Pedobear.

In fear of GT being right around the corner waiting to unleash justice upon him, Erskine remembered the days he spent with his friend hand grenade.

Then he thought, "If I had grenades AND guns, GT won't be able to touch me!" So he sneaked into the army to secure the armaments needed to defend himself against GT's wrath.

After a little espionage, he was finally ready. He was no longer just a shut-in. He was a shut-in... with guns.

He found confidence in himself, and that propelled him to actually wage war against GT. He did this by literally watching GT's blog day and night and posting hundreds of comments as anonymous, a clear sign that he is still very afraid of GT deep in his heart.

He also threatened "GamerTotoy and Friends" as the next targets for his guns. It's amazing how he even got into costume and wasted bullets for this.



It earned him no medals, but it sure was an achievement.


For now, there are no signs of Erskine slowing down - which is a good thing, because GT's blog now has a new obsessive freak to poke fun at. Will he ever have the balls to fire a single bullet at GT? Considering that he obviously has balls for a brain and his brain isn't exactly as loaded as his metal toys, probably not.

(P.S. Stop deluding yourself. You believe I'm affected enough by your spam to create a fan page against you but you're wrong. Who the fuck do you think you are? I'm not nearly as obsessed with you as you are with me. It's so funny to see you whine about it, though. Too bad you can't go cry to your parents because you're too old to have any.)